moved to tears

this morning i had the craziest, most heart wrenching, moving, troubling moment of my entire life....

i think it was a combination of a lot of things. what started as just something i wanted to do to show my support, turned into something i will never forget in the entire life.

i went for the memorial service of Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan, the person who was shot dead in an encounter with people who live to take innocent lives. the service was held at my alma mater, frank anthony public school bangalore. just walking into school after 15 years gave me goose bumps all over. then as i turned the corner towards the stage where the morning assembly happens, i saw a sight which brought back memories of my 9 years there....the students, the uniform, the teachers, the members of the alumini, the canteen, the trees, the basket ball court, the stage....everything just overwhelmed me and i knew something crazy is going to happen inside of me.

the service was done so well. Mr. Christopher Browne, the current principal spoke for a bit, followed by a sanskrit shloka sung by the school choir. then Mr.Boye, the current headmaster said the school prayer, i was shocked that i evern remembered the words. then a song from psalms was sung. one of Sandeeps batchmate from school spoke next and that was it.......the tears just flowed for me, hearing his voice losing clarity because of his personal emotions, yet getting the message across that Sandeep was a hero to him as well, just took it to another level. the choir sung 'Abide with me' which is one of my favourite hymns and i saw Sandeeps father break down.......i think inside i felt his loss and our combine loss and i felt connected with the family and i felt connected with all the people who have lost their loved ones......images of people who i cared for and are no longer alive flashed in front of my eyes.......i saw myself standing at the window of the 4th standard class on my first day in FAPS, lost........not knowing what the world has in store for me......had in store for Sandeep......i felt fear, compassion, empathy, love, anxiety and anxiousness.....

what followed were obituaries given by Mr.Narayan Swamy, the school music teacher and one of his original composition called 'Meditation'.....the service ended with Sandeeps father talking but by then i had reached a state where i could see his lips move but i couldnt hear a word he said....my vision was blurry and i was just thinking about a life entering the world, floating around, making a difference and then just moving on to the next abode........i saw that Sandeeps father couldnt control his emotions anymore and he suddenly asked for his daughter to join him and he also asked for students of the same school house that Sandeed was in, to come stand next to him. Sandeep was in De'mello house, the Yellow house, the same house as mine.....he then called a young boy who was wearing the house shirt to come stand next to him and showered him with hugs and kisses like as if it was Sandeep......i melted.........

I decided today, that if i do have a daughter i will be putting her in FAPS. The place made me what I am today, it taught me things i would never have picked up, it gave me friends that i cherish even till today, it gave me a feeling of belonging, it gave me disipline, it taught me to respect a woman, it taught me to love a woman, it taught me to respect parents, family, people i meet on a day to day basis.....it gave me hope that there will be a better tomorrow.......today.

the school management took a decison to put Sandeeps picture in the foyer next to Mr.Frank Anthonys picture......above that is my schools emblem and all it says is 'Courage is Destiny'

May all we learn here in our school
By thought and deed be shown
Let living truth within us rule
And seeds of love be sown
That men in all our deeds may see
Courage is Destiny!
Courage is Destiny!

We pray for grace,serenity,
To keep a humble mind,
That we may learn thru charity,
To love all human kind.
That men in all our deeds may see
Courage is Destiny!
Courage is Destiny!

Undaunted, though alone we stand,
Upholding what is right,
Proud children of our motherland
With truth our stay and might.
That men in all our deeds may see
Courage is Destiny!
Courage is Destiny!

All that is good may we retain,
When scattered far and wide
May we our destiny attain,
With courage as our guide.
To show that by our constancy
Courage is Destiny!
Courage is Destiny!