was it a waste

i crashed out at 11 last night and woke up at 2. couldnt sleep after. just had this one question which kept bothering me, is it all just a waste of time?

i say things and i do things with all conviction, i believe in what i say, i have made too many mistakes just shooting off my mouth and i have learnt that i need to think twice (atleast) before the words come out my mouth, before i show what i feel........

sometimes things are done on impluse and gut feel and it works out fine, but when it doesnt i get into this mode of wishing i didnt feel, of wishing i didnt say, of wishing i had not made a fool of myself

i just figured that i am really bad at figuring out people, i keep priding myself on knowing whats on someones mind and reading body language and connecting so well, its all bull shit!! i do it so that i feel i am in control of everything around me. i keep preaching about this control shit and i am the best example of it. i need to know why people do what they do. its so ironic that i myself havnt figured it out yet.

i am going to push back this negative feeling this time around and move on.
i do what i do because its what i believe in.
i cannot control people around me.
i just need to be true to myself and not regret anything that i say or do

it might feel like a waste of time, but it isnt, if i stay around after then its a waste of time......

Mother, do you think they'll drop the bomb?
Mother, do you think they'll like this song?
Mother, do you think they'll try to break my balls?
Mother, should I build the wall?
Mother, should I run for President?
Mother, should I trust the government?
Mother, will they put me in the firing line?
Is it just a waste of time?

Mother, do you think she's good enough
For me?
Mother, do you think she's dangerous
To me?
Mother will she tear your little boy apart?
Mother, will she break my heart?