thoughts

i woke up this morning thinking what do i want from this life. i thought maybe i should make a list.

its incomplete but here are some things that i thought qualified, they are in the order that I thought them and dont necessarily have to be this way:

1. Close Knit Family
2. Great Friends
3. Love
4. Positive Attitude
5. Selflessness
6. Food on the table
7. Comfortable Clothes
8. Happiness every day, every moment
9. A Job
10. A roof over my head

Then I started ticking off what I already have. I realised that I have most of these things. Then why is it that i still get upset? why are there days when everything seems Great and then suddenly everything feels like Shit?

I have never been able to understand the reasons why that happens. I have over the years figured out some things which I feel are reasons for the way I feel.

1. if i tell myself that i feel like shit, then i feel like shit
2. if I try to control my life, i actually lose control and then i feel like shit..
3. if i want someone to do or say something i want, it never happens, then i feel like shit

its all about me wanting something and not getting it.

BUT if you look at the list of 10 things that are on top, if i have those, will actually not make me feel like shit!!!!!!