Nana

i couldnt sleep last night, the storm was outside and inside my head. funny how people and events can spark off memories. they can also bring out something that was pushed way back inside your mind.

i thought of my nana last night. i thought of what he meant to me. i remembered every summer holiday that i went to Jagadhri for. I remembered the big house that my grandparents owned. i remembered nana's face as he opened the jaali door of the house. i remembered the sparkly in his eyes when he saw us. i saw him hugging ammi, his youngest and favourite daughter. i would enter the door and feel love. every wall in that house would hug you. then nani would come out of the kitchen and give you the tightest hug in the entire universe. she would have been cooking for us since morning, she would have hassled nana so much to ensure that everything was just perfect. she would have stood over the tandoor making rotis. her tiny frame and nana's tall frame came back to my mind last night. even now i can close my eyes and see them, smiling.

i want to be like nana. i want to have the intelligence that he had. i want to have the home he had. i want to have a big family who are close to each other and genuinely care. i want to sit around and talk about the old days over tea. i want to play chinese checkers with my grandchild. i want to buy chocolates and make them appear out of air in front of the excited eyes of my grandchildren. i want to lie on a charpai out in the open, under the stars, and tell my grandchildren stories about ghosts, about how simple life was. nana was the most interesting person i have ever known. he had a way with people, that made you feel so at ease when you were with him. he knew everything. he was a man........

i want to keep all of these memories alive. thats all i have.

priya i hope God gives you the strength to deal with this loss.