its not me anymore

i seem to be in this zone right now where nothing matters. i just do my shit and get on with my life. i am giving so much importance to my work its now just a part of me. i have these things i need to do and i need to do them on priority.

i have to have to get me a house - this has been a long unfulfilled dream of mine and i was pushing it out of the list because i so wanted to buy a house with the love of my life. i saw myself falling in love, growing closer, getting married, settling down, having a daughter and buying this house that my wife and i choose. now its not a home, its just something i need to do and get it over with. it has to be done.

i have to get me a range rover - ya this is a weird one. its suddenly become something i want. its a freaking big, expensive suv but i want it.

its funny how i keep telling myself that i was happy when i got my first salary, which was 3500 bucks. i survived in that money. there were things i wanted but i pushed back those urges because i couldnt afford them. i got what i needed only. why is it that i cant do that no more?? why is it that the more i get into this rat race the more human i become??

this zone that i am in scares me. its what i have become but not what i am. where did that anna sambar eating guy standing at the side of the road watching the world go by and not thing too much about the fact that he was on a bike, having a maximum of 100 rupees in his pocket, go??

today i choose work over making someone really close to my heart, happy. thats not me. it didnt feel right. i need to go back. i am someone who knows his prioroties. i started this blog saying i want a house and a range rover. i need to ask myself a question tonight - is that what i really really want........